How to know whether the man or husband is changing for the better

According to research done by Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) there are signs which

indicate that a person has really changed.

How do you know if the abuser is changing?

While a husband or boyfriend may apologize for his actions and vow to change, this may be another phase in manipulating the wife or girlfriend to stay. Consider the following signs before believing he has changed or is changing :

If you answer “Yes” to these questions, he has changed/is changing for the better

has he completely stopped saying and doing things that frighten you?

• Can you express anger toward him without being punished for it?

• Can he argue without being abusive or domineering?

• Does he respect your wishes about sex and physical contact?

• Has he stopped expecting you to do things for him?

• Can you spend time with your friends without being afraid that he’ll retaliate?

• Can you do other things that are important to you, such as go to school or get a job?

• Are you comfortable with the way he interacts with the children?

• Do you feel safe leaving the children alone with him?

• Is he being supportive and does he give compliments? Does he listen to you?

• Does he do his share of housework and childcare?

If you answer “No” to these question, the chances are he has not changed

· Do you feel safe in bringing up topics that you know will upset him?

· Can he listen to your opinion and respect it, even if he disagrees?

· If he is receiving counseling or treatment, does he use it against you in any way?

· Does he tell you that you’re abusive?


· Does he tell you that you owe him another chance?

· Does he say that he can’t change without your support?

· Does he try to get you or the children to feel sorry for him?

· Does he instill fear in the children about the future, or finances, or where they’ll live, etc?

· Do you have to keep after him to attend his counseling sessions?

· Is he make his abuse sound like a lot less serious than it really was when he talks about it?

· Is he pressuring you to drop the protection order?